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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26570857">My love, Osamu (Osasuna)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshenFeathers/pseuds/AshenFeathers'>AshenFeathers</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>i'm not crying you're crying [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Military, Angst, Blood, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Five Stages of Grief, I'm Sorry, I'm not kidding, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, No Fluff, Spy Suna Rintarou, Tears, This is pure angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:54:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,732</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26570857</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshenFeathers/pseuds/AshenFeathers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Death and carnage surrounded them in this conflict-ridden world, everyone had lost someone. But no one told him it would hurt like this when he was left alone.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>i'm not crying you're crying [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1852954</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>My love, Osamu (Osasuna)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Before you read, I am really sorry about this.<br/>But osasuna seemed like the best ship for this.<br/>I'm realy really sorry.<br/>Feel free to yell at me.<br/>This was a very hard chapter to write, and I spent like a week ignoring it because I couldn't hurt my dearies, and I kept apologizing, which is why it took so long.<br/>Please do leave a comment on what I can improve on, feelings aren't my strong point.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>'Yer ruinin' the carpet, Samu, calm down,' Miya Atsumu snapped at his twin.</p><p>'He was supposed to be back half an hour ago!' Said twin threw his arms up in frustration and continued his pacing.</p><p>'Maybe he found somethin' and needs more time?'</p><p>'He wouldn't stay that long! He wouldn't make us worry like that.'</p><p>'Don't worry, Suna's the best we have, he's safe.'</p><p>Osamu could hear his own heartbeat pounding in his ears, erratic and deafening, he was sure Atsumu could hear it too.</p><p>Suna was never late, like Atsumu said, he was the best spy in the entire organization. Lithe and quiet, he could slip through a brightly lit and practically empty room unnoticed, no one knew how he did it. His sleepy eyes surprisingly took in everything with excrutiating detail, from the slightest movement in his surroundings to the faintest pulse at a person's throat.</p><p>Before he set off to the enemy's stronghold, they shared a simple hug and kiss at the gate as always. Samu didn't wish him luck, never did, they both knew he didn't need it.</p><p>'I'll be back,' With a small confident smile just for him, Suna was gone.</p><p>It was just a simple infiltrate and retrieve mission, albeit in a fortress better defended than most, Suna had aced all his previous ones, so why was he taking so long this time?</p><p>'I'm going back to the surveillance room,' he announced suddenly, heading straight for the door with long, purposeful strides.</p><p>A firm hand grasped the back of his shirt, 'No, Kita-san told me to keep ya here, ya wouldn't want yer dear brother to face his wrath, wouldja?'</p><p>The grey-haired boy shook off the restraining grip and dashed down the stairs. He slammed the door open, making the room's occupants jump, three pairs of eyes flew to him.</p><p>'I thought I told you to go back to your room, your attitude isn't helping anyone.' Kita was scary when he was mad, but the underlying worry in his furious words took the sharp edge off.</p><p>Osamu's face fell, 'Still nothin'?' They all shook their heads, Ginjima sending him a sympathetic glance.</p><p>He turned to the giant screen, a single video feed blown up across the wide expanse. It showed the gates, locked tight of course, and the view beyond it, completely empty. Nothing moved, it could've been a photo for all it showed.</p><p>Raking a clawed hand through his hair, glad for the stinging pain that grounded his thoughts, he refused to think about what could've happened, what could happen.</p><p>Everyone knew the dangers of working in the field, everyone had accepted those risks back when they first joined the military, then Inarizaki special task force. He drew in a shaky breath, he had to have faith in Suna and his abilities. He promised he would be back, and he was a man of his word.</p><p>Another hour passed, and Osamu grew more and more frantic.</p><p>'Osamu, go back upstairs, go sleep, we'll tell you the moment he returns,' Kita's voice was soft, he nodded slightly at the other twin, who stood up immediately.</p><p>'No I can't, I have to wait for 'im, I have to-'</p><p>'He'll be fine, Samu. Just sleep first, okay? It's already past midnight, Suna won't want to see your sleep-deprived face when he gets back.'</p><p>He let himself be led up to his room and tucked into bed by forceful hands. Atsumu pulled up a chair to sit next to him, and watched silently as he fell into an uneasy slumber.</p><p>When Osamu bolted upright, it was barely dawn, the sky only a shade lighter than it had been. Atsumu was gone, chair empty. It took a moment for him to find his bearings, blinking exhaustion from his heavy-lidded eyes. It was another second before he realized another important thing.</p><p>They didn't wake him up.</p><p>No. Maybe Suna <em>was</em> back and just didn't want to disturb him. He let himself hope.</p><p>'Rin?' His head shifted to look across the room, the other bed was immaculately made, untouched and empty.</p><p>Horror crashed down like a tidal wave, harsh currents threatening to sweep him away.</p><p>Osamu leapt to his feet, ignoring the fact that his clothes were a crumpled mess, his hair pointing in a hundred different directions and buzzing with static electricity, and rushed down the stairs.</p><p>'Where is he?' He demanded, panic coursing through his veins.</p><p>The look on their tired faces was answer enough.</p><p>'We have to go after 'im,' His voice wretched, 'Please.'</p><p>Aran cleared his throat quietly, 'You know we're not exactly supposed to do that.'</p><p>He did know, no helping spies was literally rule number 4 out of 628 in the handbook. They weren't cruel, it's just that the teams were small, there simply weren't enough people to launch a full-on raid for one single person who might not even be alive by then. They specialized in defense, research and backup.</p><p>Which was why spying was likely the most dangerous job in the task force. You were on your own in the heart of enemy territory from start to finish. Even if you were in trouble, your team couldn't help you, it was the first thing spies were told in training.</p><p>'Please, Kita-san,' he turned his pleading stare on their leader. 'I'll go myself if ya won't help me.'</p><p>He sighed, 'I'll call the other teams and see if they can spare anyone. We really can't do much with just three fighters and two snipers.'</p><p>'They'll take forever to come! Somethin' might- somethin' might've ha-happened to Rin already.'</p><p>Atsumu, in a rare moment of compassion for his brother, put an arm around his shaking shoulders, 'Breathe, Samu.'</p><p>'I apologize, Osamu-kun, there really is nothing else we can do.'</p><p>A flicker of movement appeared on the screen, Omimi hummed to get their attention.</p><p>It was a truck, an armoured silver one, not particularly inconspicuous. It pulled up at a speed that left skid marks on the concrete, exhaust gas sputtering from the back in puffs.</p><p>'No, don't shoot.' Kita ordered into the comm, the two agents stationed outside audibly gasped as a dark shape was dumped unceremoniously outside the gates. The vehicle zoomed away right after.</p><p>Ginjima peered at the screen, 'Might be a bomb, are they trying to blow open our front door?'</p><p>'Why would they want to do that? There's nothing in here.'</p><p>'That's not a bomb, it's a person,' Aran hissed.</p><p>A frown was evident on Osamu's face as he studied the heap on the ground. His eyes widened and the blood drained from his face, he was up and running in an instant.</p><p>'Osamu!'</p><p>A single word repeated itself over and over in his mind as he keyed in the passcode with an unsteady hand.</p><p>
  <em>No no no no no no-</em>
</p><p>The doors finally creaked open with a 'whoosh'.</p><p>He knelt next to the unmoving body, turned it over carefully, and screamed.</p><p>What Samu first thought was his shirt turned out to be blood, his entire torso was caked in dried blood so thick and dark, black under the lamplight, a deep scratch marred his beautiful features, but there was no mistaking him, it was him.</p><p>'Rin, no no no, Rin, yer going to be fine, yer back now, Kita-san will fix ya up, Rin, answer me, Rin! Rintarou!'</p><p>His hands fluttered uselessly at his sides, wanting to wrap him in an embrace, but hesitant to touch his countless wounds for fear of hurting him worse.</p><p>A warm hand was placed on his shoulder to gently draw him away, 'Osamu, he's gone.'</p><p>'NO! We can help him, he just needs medical care, then he'll be okay, I can't lose him. Rin, yer not leavin' me, ya can't.'</p><p>'Osamu, the enemy could be back any second, we have to get back. Aran, Omimi, please help.'</p><p>One picking up the fallen comrade lightly, the other guiding the trembling twin, the small party walked back through the gates, which slammed shut behind them.</p><p>'We're so sorry, Osamu.'</p><p>'We'll get him cleaned up, alright?'</p><p>Atsumu merely hugged him tight.</p><p>He pushed them all away in one violent motion, 'STOP ACTING LIKE RIN'S DEAD, HE'S NOT, just somebody help him, please,' His voice broke.</p><p>'We'll give you some space.' They left the room, his twin throwing one last saddened glance at him.</p><p>After what felt like an eternity of standing there, motionless, hands clenched into fists, Osamu went in search of the rest of his team, hoping.</p><p>Hoping.</p><p>Hoping.</p><p>He saw the tears in Kita's usually emotionless eyes, the grief on the team's faces, Tsumu's furious and harrowed expression held the fist he slammed into a wall gingerly, the heavy silence, the hopeless silence.</p><p>
  <em>No.</em>
</p><p>He headed for the door they were surrounding.</p><p>
  <em>No.</em>
</p><p>'Osamu, I really don't think you should-'</p><p>
  <em>No.</em>
</p><p>His hand was on the doorknob, he turned it, bracing himself.</p><p>
  <em>No.</em>
</p><p>Suna was laid out on an infirmary bed, deathly pale skin now even whiter, bordering on gray under the fluoruscent lights.</p><p>Deep even cuts ran the length of his arms, severe burns and scratches littered every inch of his bare torso. His limbs were bent at unnatural angles, twisted and snapped. The rips and slashes on his cargo pants hinted at more wounds, more pain. Half of his face was mauled, raw and bloody.</p><p>One could only imagine what he had been through, and it probably wouldn't have even come close.</p><p>His chest didn't move, his remaining eye didn't flutter, not even the smallest sign of life was visible. And Osamu's breathing hitched. Rintarou wasn't gone, couldn't be gone, he <em>promised</em>, and Suna never broke his promises. A trembling hand reached for the limp one, and ice cold skin met the warmth of his.</p><p>The reality of the situation hit him like a brick, harsh and jolting. He staggered back and slid down against the wall into a sitting position, legs drawn up to his chest, arms wrapping tight around himself, fingernails digging into flesh. But he barely felt it, barely felt anything. Osamu stayed like that, curled into a ball, the emptiness inside him growing.</p><p>'I'm sorry, Rin,' Something inside him broke at those words, a burning red-hot anger welled up in his cracked and irreparable heart. </p><p>Why did he have to die? </p><p>He wasn't supposed to. </p><p>Suna Rintarou was the best of the best.</p><p>He was supposed to be safely back at base with Osamu.</p><p>Not lying cold and silent on a hard infirmary bed.</p><p>It shouldn't have been him.</p><p>Why?</p><p>Why didn't Osamu save him?</p><p>Why did he wait?</p><p>Why didn't he fight for him?</p><p>He could hear Rin's betrayed voice in his head, ringing in his ears over and over with a vengeance.</p><p>Samu, why.</p><p>Samu.</p><p>Samu.</p><p>'SAMU!'</p><p>'SAMU! WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING!?'</p><p>Callused hands wrenched his crossed arms apart, holding them to his sides in an iron grip.</p><p>Ripped from his inward spiral, he blinked up at the worried expressions floating in and out of his blurred vision, Kita approached brandishing what looked like bandages. His forearms started to burn along deep gouges he didn't realize he had made, he looked down again at the fresh red staining his fingernails. Nausea rose up inside him at the sickening sight of blood, Rin's ruined features flashing in his mind.</p><p>'Don't touch me!' Twisting out of his twin's grip, Osamu scrambled to get away from his concerned team, breaths coming out in short pants. </p><p>'Samu...'</p><p>'Osamu, you cannot blame yourself, hurting yourself won't change what happened.'</p><p>Pure anguish lit his dark grey eyes, 'Rin was in pain, he <em>suffered</em> at the hands of the enemy, and I was taking a <em>nap</em>, a godsforsaken <em>nap</em>. I should've done something, done anything, and he might've still been alive, stilll been here with me.'</p><p>Kita opened his mouth to reply, but Osamu cut him off, 'Just leave me alone.' Misery, dull and heavy, rolled off every hoarse syllable.</p><p>Curled up in a small tense ball at the foot of the bed, he heard the soft click of the door closing, before the dam in him finally broke.</p><p>He cried.</p><p>Hands clasped over his ears and knees tucked in, he screwed up his face and cried. Tears coursed sideways down his tilted face, soaking his shirt sleeve in seconds.</p><p>Ugly sobs tore their way out of his throat, his chest rose and fell violently as he struggled for breath despite the snot clogging his nose and wails emitting from his mouth. He cried until he couldn't anymore, tear ducts overworked and completely dry, until he was just a sodden heap on the tiled floor, shaking like a leaf.</p><p>He slowly pushed himself up, knees buckling the moment they tried supporting his weight. His arms strained to keep him upright, trembling from the effort. He gave up and sat cross-legged, holding Suna's limp hand lightly in his grasp, so that he couldn't feel the split skin, so that he could pretend it was just another lazy day when there was nothing to do but enjoy each other's company.</p><p>Osamu closed his eyes and let the memories wash over him, letting recollections of Suna's shy smile after their first kiss, Suna's peaceful sleeping face, Suna's mischievous grin, Suna's concentrated expression with his eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly and white teeth poking out as he bit his lip, drown out the last image Samu had of his love.</p><p>~</p><p>It was just a day after the funeral, a week since the flames licking at the bright midday sky flickered to nothing. But everything was already back to normal, or as normal as it could be. Everything had to move fast in this conflict-ridden world, there was no time to dwell, no time to grieve.</p><p>Osamu supposed he ought to be thankful that his body could be retrieved, not abandoned in enemy territory or left on no man's land like the fallen members of raid teams or conquered blockades.</p><p>There were no distraught parents to relay the news to either, no relatives, no close friends. He stayed only in the memories of the small Inarizaki task force.</p><p>The twin knelt in front of the trunk at the foot of the bed, its new, crisp sheets tucked in tight, and blanket spread neatly across it.</p><p>He forced his hands to stop quivering, and started packing up the belongings inside.</p><p>A thin silver chain Samu used to see around his slender neck everyday.</p><p>A single worn stick of pencil eyeliner, barely more than a stub after it endured years of sparing use. These two personal possessions were cunningly smuggled through training and official inspections, and were prized by their owner.</p><p>Other random items were arranged on the top half of the trunk. Shoe polish, nail clippers, a paper fan, a stack of papers filled with dizzying statistics, a collection of grenade pins and other small metal trinkets, a blowtorch. Osamu never understood why he needed it, or even had it. It was always hurriedly stowed away whenever he caught sight of it.</p><p>Removing the false bottom, he took out the clothing, most of it plain military-issue uniforms, a few brightly colored shirts they had dyed to see Kita's scandalized look for.</p><p>One of those shirts were crumpled haphazardly at the bottom, contrasting with the perfectly folded garments above it. The shirt was dirtied and smudged, some places weirdly burned and holey.</p><p>Osamu frowned, smoothing it out to find a small lump hidden in the fabric. He reached in and pulled out two rings, cold to the touch.</p><p>Turning them over, he inspected the dull shine of the metal, recognizing it to be of the same material as grenade pins.</p><p>His rough fingertips brushed over a series of scratches on the inside of the rings. Squinting, he read the carefully carved words.</p><p>'My love, Samu. My love, Rin-' His voice cracked, hand tightening around the two pieces of jewelry.</p><p>He couldn't do this. He couldn't carry on with life in the base as if nothing happened. He couldn't let the new spy take the empty bed, couldn't let him fill the trunk with his belongings, couldn't watch as his teammates welcomed him, couldn't let him replace Rintarou.</p><p>With tears threatening to fall from his blazing eyes, he barged into Kita's office.</p><p>'I want a transfer to one of the raid teams.'</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope you liked it!</p><p>If there are any clarifications you want, just put it in the comments and I'll reply as soon as I see it! :)</p><p>Some shameless self-promotion:<br/><a href="https://www.instagram.com/ashenfeatheredwings/"> @ashenfeatheredwings </a> on instagram<br/><a href="https://www.instagram.com/ne.kage/"> @ne.kage </a></p><p>I post my fan art and comics there! :) I do traditional drawing though, never was much good with digital, maybe I'll do better if I ever get supplies that aren't my tiny phone screen with the poorly applied screen protector, Sony Sketch, and fat fingers<br/><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/series/1852954"> im not crying youre crying </a> is the angst oneshot collection this is part of</p><p>Again, I hope you liked it :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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